Calm Washed Over Me

Two days ago I started to feel it and I started to smile.  A calmness is coming back to me.  A combination of diet change, remembering my meds and realizing I am doing ok.

Not amazing, but ok and that is alright.  I am getting things Done.  Maybe a little slower than I hoped, but still making shit happen.

We are making it to the appointments, I am keeping track of the paperwork.  I am paying the bills when the money comes in.

Could it be better? Of course, couldn’t it be for everyone?  But I am counting my blessings right now.  David is improving, Momma is healthy and my fur babies are bundles of love.   And everything else is either working its way out or I am tossing it out.  Lol.

Well David should be done with Blood draw soon. Next stop home for a nap.  God I love naps.  Talk to you later my Friends.

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Passports and Miniature Golf

So I have been thinking about fun.  You remember fun right?  Something that you do because you want to, not because you need money or obligation.  FUN.  This began as I was drooling on Amazon the other day.  I saw an awesome passport cover and I thought I don’t have a passport.  Man wouldn’t it be cool to get one and plan a trip.  That sounds like fun.

And then I asked myself what else sounds fun?  Hmmmm…Paint and wine night, miniature golf, bowling and Bunco Monthly.  What else?  Movies at the theater,  Ren Fest, Tulip Time Festival, DIA and silly day trips just to see silly things.

So I am starting with Bunco next month, more $5 movies and miniature golf.  All are relatively cheap and easy on the knees.  I will definitely work up to the passport and trip.

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Cha Cha Changes

Oh my beautiful friends the Axsom/Gokey household is going to be going through some changes.  Good ones.  Healthy ones.  NEEDED ONES.  David and I went to several different doctors since he got out of the hospital and he has so much going on.  I won’t go into details because it’s not my business to share, but a lot can be helped by a change in diet and weight loss.  So he has agreed to start helping himself out by working on the diet.  I know once he starts feeling better with that he will want to stop smoking.  It’s just a matter of time.

So today I am doing the search for make ahead healthy meals for my family.  Momma sure doesn’t need to lose anymore weight but a little more protein in her diet would be good.  Hell yeah I am game.  If  there isn’t a lot of crap in the house I can’t eat it.  And I know that if me doing the right thing  helps them I will do well.  That is my caregiver nature.

I am really hoping that all these things help me to feel good again too.  I miss the energy I had.  I miss not having the knee and back pains.  The fucked up part is I know all these things are correctable by diet and life change and yet I still put it off.  That my friends is some fucked up shit.

Well Pintrest is calling my name.  Wish me luck and if you have any meal ideas please speak up.  C ya soon.

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A Few Minutes Before Bath Time

That is a phrase I use a lot at work with my residents.  Usually something like you got fifteen more minutes before bath time so make them count. Lol.  But the last three weeks I also use it at home.  It’s hard to shower in a neck brace when a person can’t twist, look down or bend over.  But I am pleased to say that David and I have gotten it down to a pretty good routine now. In the beginning I didn’t think we ever would.  But like I said it took some adjustments.  You know what the best part of giving showers at home? Not having to be all dressed.  I can shower him in my underwear.  They would frown on that work.  Lol

Speaking of work Happy Anniversary to me.  I have been at this company 15 years.  There have been good years, bad years and in between years.  But I have met some of the most amazing people during my time there.  Many have moved on to other things but are still in my heart.  I also so had some fantastic residents of the years.  Way more good than bad.  Without this job I would have never met my beloved Wart.  She is the reason I became a caregiver I am absolutely certain of that.  I met her later in my career, but no one has meant more to me.  She passed away Two years ago yesterday, but I still miss her every single day.

Well it’s almost shower time so I am going to say good night.  Sweet Dreams my beautiful friends and we will visit again soon.

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A Busy Little Bee

Or I could be a Busy Fat Bee I am not particular. Greetings friends.  It’s Sunday evening and the end of one of those weeks.  You know the kind, the kind where you wished you were a drinker.

I don’t even know where to start.  David is doing pretty good.  He has a couple of appointments tomorrow and some on Wednesday.  Two weeks from Tuesday he goes back to see the surgeon to see what his progress is.  Momma has been dealing with some stuff.  Brandy has developed a seizure disorder, but Dr. Corey is hoping to find the best medication to lessen the symptoms.     I am doing better.  I am taking it day by day and hoping for the best.

I went down to visit my brother today.  I haven’t seen him since Christmas.  We had breakfast and chatted a bit.  I really enjoyed it.  Just him and me, no drama.  I hope to meet up with my other brother soon for breakfast and a chat.  I miss seeing them both.

So I got my laptop out and started getting it updated today,  I am going to start the job hunt and see if I can find something to do when I grow up.

I wanted to do a short story thing with my mom where she writes some on her blog, I pick up where she leaves off and see what kind of masterpiece we could come up with.  But it looks like that is on hold for now.

Well my fantastic friends I am going to go get busy.  I got some things I need to do before tomorrow.  Have a fantastic night.

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Quiet Cindy

People aren’t sure how to handle quiet Cindy.  Am I mad? Sick?  Lost in thought?  So many times people draw their own assumptions which is kind of silly when they could just ask.  Today is a  lost in thought kind of day which is why I am here.

Lots going on in the old melon, but just not up to discussing it with people.  So much going on around me and I am trying to trying to process all that.  Processing takes time and sometimes people don’t want to give me time.  So right now I am in the you push me phase I am going to just shut down phase of all this.

Lots of the things that I have planned have not gone the way I wanted them to.  It is disappointing and frustrating, but it is life.  I knew somethings would pretty much crash and burn so that is why I spent my money on those things.  In special circumstances things like that happen.  Better to be prepared and not needed, then not have it.  Now that we are getting back to a semi settled way of life I can adjust again.

So what is next?  I don’t know just yet to be honest.  I haven’t figured that out.  Four more weeks of 40 hour work weeks for sure.  Maybe start attending group again.  Maybe get back to the gym.  Maybe.  Lots of Maybe(s).  Today however is dedicated to  quiet pondering.

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It’s A Process

That is my response when people ask me how things are going.  Why?  Because there are good days and bad days.  Good hours and bad hours.  Good minutes and bad minutes.  Tempers flair, words are spoken and sometimes it takes a bit longer to get over it then others.  But it’s all part of the process.  Humans are just well human and some days we are better humans than others.

So for now my response will be It’s a Process.

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To Quote Arnold…

“I’ll be back.”  I promise you and me that I will get back to blogging my friends.  It gets my creative juices flowing and it really does help to work shit out.  I just need a little more time.  Having David in the hospital and I just feel like crap I am run down.  I am hoping he can come home of Thursday and we can figure out the temporary new normal for a while.  Don’t give up on me and if you’re a prayer a couple those would be great too.

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Be My Own Boss?

After 15 years of saying that I could probably do a better job running a caregiver company I am thinking that’s exactly what I might do.  Not open up a large group of homes or anything. More like Be My Own Boss and have several clients that I take care of on a one-on-one basis in their homes.

Take them to their appointments,  shopping, running errands and some light housekeeping.  Get a steady income and my own insurance. The way I  can still help people in need and not deal with all the Drama.

Yeah I am going to do a little research and see how much potential this idea has.  I need to do something.  I have had enough.

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Naked Clean Up and More

A very good morning my blogging friends!  How are you on this beautiful Friday?  I hope it is going well for you all.  The morning started off a little rough here when the wash tub in the laundry room  over flowed.  You know one of those freaky accidents.  But nobody was hurt by it and that is always the bright spot.  The silver lining is the cat boxes that I was going to clean later are done and the laundry room floor has been mopped.  So Woo-Hoo a win.  Thank God you all weren’t here though.  I came  out naked when I heard it overflow and  to help clean up.  That is a lot fat dead chicken white for anybody to suffer through.  Lol.  Only one caught by  the horrific sight was my Momma, but since I rarely shut bathroom door she is probably immune by now.  Was that a TMI paragraph?  Probably.

So today is a pretty busy day.  I am taking Momma to see the hearing aid man.  He is very nice and I think he appreciates our Silliness.  Then we have a little shopping to do.  Last minute items I forgot and cat litter because three cats really do shit A LOT.  Then I would like to get a three hook Shepard’s Pole for the front lawn and a few hanging baskets.  I fight myself about getting them, but I really love flowers and if I take a little bit of time to water when I get home at night when it is cool we could have beautiful flowers all summer.

The weight loss struggle is still not going well.  My own fault obviously.  I know EXACTLY what to do.  I just get so wrapped up in my stress, worry and anger that I eat all those feelings.  It sucks and I know I have to get a handle on that.  I am hoping that between my renewed desire to write and my newer found love of vlogging I can get my shit under control.

David’s surgery has been scheduled for July 9th.  Cross you fingers, eyeballs, say prayers, light candles or whatever the fuck you do to help things go his way.  The amount of pain he has everyday hurts my heart and soul.  I don’t think people truly understand how bad it is, because he doesn’t let it show often.  Not even to me.

Well my beautiful friends there is so much more I would love to chat about but it’s getting close to time to leave.  Have a fantastic week and love to you all.

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