1:30pm Do You Know Where Cindy Is?

The normal response is usually work.  Today I am in my bed with a serious sciatica pain.  Which I would normally handle with a pain pill and muscle relaxer and go about my day.  However a recent kidney issue makes that not a possible solution.  So rest and warmth will have to do.

Which sucks because I wanted to beat my mom’s ass at cards again today (it would be three times in a row😀).  Maybe make some yummy Mac and cheese.  Get some stuff done around the house and fart without wanting to die. Lol

Libby and Onyx are keeping me company so that is a good thing.  Nothing like warm little bodies and cold noses to make a girl feel loved.

Even with the pain and the downtime I still feel blessed.  Pain  let’s me know I am alive even though I could use less of it.  And I have a place that is safe and warm to recover.  And  most importantly people and furbabies who love me.

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Late Night Worries or Rice Krispies

So I’ve been lying here in my bed for the last hour debating between getting up for a bowl of rice krispies or trying to fall back asleep. Actually that’s not true I’ve been laying here thinking about tomorrow I have to go to the main office of my company to find out about a change in our insurance. That’s keeping me awake and making me think about Rice Krispies.

For me personally I’ve had the same doctor for about 10 years and she’s a very good doctor.  I don’t like the idea of having to switch doctors but I wouldn’t mind so much if there was some consideration shown to me during this process. From the sounds of it they plan on starting this new insurance March 1st. That’s three days from now! How could any company do that to a person? There are so many decisions that need to be made! Imagine giving up your long-term physician and finding a new one in three days. What about all the appointments that people have scheduled with their doctor’s right now? I myself have  mammogram and I’m due for a visit with the gynecologist. So I need to cancel those and then I need to look for new doctors. I am one of the lucky ones I take one prescribed medication and it’s a common medication so it’s probably going to be covered no matter what my program, but what about those on insulin or chemotherapy or things like that?

And I understand the company has the right to change insurances. But here’s the questions that are on my mind… Who made the decision to go with this particular insurance? How many the people who are involved in the decision actually will have this insurance? How many staff representatives were involved in the decision-making process? How much money is it saving the company versus the amount of headache and heartache it’s going to cost to staff? Did they review this company’s history before they chose on it or do they just look at the cost? Do they know that this company has an average review of 1.8? Do the powers-that-be understand that by making a decision like this with no conversation with the employees and so quickly feels like you don’t give a shit about us.

So now I have to decide on a new primary care physician, gynecologist and a new knee doctor. Those are my big ones.  These decisions will take time because I don’t just walk into an office and take a chance that this person isn’t going to be a dick head. I read the reviews, I sit in the waiting room and see how it progresses, I observe the staff to see how big of assholes they are or aren’t and then finally I make an appointment to see whether or not I find this doctor competent.

So if I go into this meeting tomorrow and I feel like we as the staff for once again a secondary consideration to the money situation I will have no choice but to leave my job and to find employment elsewhere. I am five months shy of being with my company 16 years, but that doesn’t mean I can’t find another company and begin again.

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It’s ok.  What’s ok?  All of it.  All of what?  All the doubts, feelings, thoughts and the gut reactions.  It’s all ok.

Do I sound high?   I’m not that is just how my mind is running right now.  So much I can’t control going on and if you  know me at all you know I like control.

So when I start to feel a bit anxious I am telling myself it’s ok.  I got what I can handle well handled.  The things that aren’t mine to handle I am saying to myself not my circus, not my monkeys.


So it’s ok.  It will continue to be ok.  The world spins without me pushing it.  It’s ok.

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So I Don’t Know About You…

But I am sick of this weather.  I don’t mind the snow and cold it’s Michigan so of course it is expected.  But the lack of sunlight has been depressing and makes me crankier than usual.

Right now the sun is out so every few minutes I am standing in front of the large window soaking up my vitamin for the day.  That plus the apple and cheese stick I am eating are both improving my mood a little at a time.

With that being said I got a couple of bees in my bonnet.  First I am having a hard time dealing with rude people in customer service.  Whatever happened to manners people?  Please and thank you go a long way in getting return business.  Also just common courtesy is always a good thing.  I took my mother who is in her 80’s for a hair cut.  We walked into the salon and stood there waiting, waiting and waiting.  Finally the lady comes out from the back room and says, “Hi need a haircut?”  You know what would have been nice?  If when she came out of the backroom she said something like sorry to keep you waiting how can I help you?  Hell I would have settled sorry you had to wait I had to pee.  Acknowledging our time is valuable goes a long way to make people want to come back.

The other thing that has been on my mind that people appear to be mistaking my kindness for weakness.  I don’t mind helping other people, but I do mind when people take advantage of my kindness.  I work a lot, sleep very little and take care of many.  So when people aren’t doing their part to make things run smoothly is pisses me off.   Unfortunately it’s been a regular occurence lately.

So I have decided to make honey out of the situation.  I am going to educate by  example.  Remembering my manners and being considerate of those around me.  Of course there are a few where this won’t work, for some I may just have to yell. LOL  I am good at that too.

Well time to go soak in more sun!  Have a great day.


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Super What?

There are a lot of phrases where the word Super has become familiar to me.  Super size my drink, my ass is super sized, Superman saves the world and my favorite just the sarcastic use of super when it truly isn’t.  Superbowl on the other hand doesn’t mean jack shit to me.  I know it’s an American tradition, blah, blah, and blah.  It’s also a chance for businesses to spend a shit ton on advertising and players to make enough in one game to keep you and I fed, clothed and healthy for a long time.  Imagine if even  half that money went back to the American people.  Veterans, homeless, disabled and just struggling people.  I would become a fan in a hot minute.  I would learn about punts, passes and ground work like a mother fucking pro.

Until that day happens Superbowl is just another Sunday.  A day where I work because I have to pay the bills and people to care for.

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65 Degrees or Bust

So last night Consumers sends out a text requesting that all customers turn down the heat to 65.  Like many I said fuck that until I read the reason why.  So the heat is set at 65 and even though I worry about the seniors in my house I know that the space heater  in Mom’s room will be keep them warm.

The tropical birds I have some concerns about but we have a second space heater that can be set up in the living room. So as long as someone is there to keep an eye on it because of the crazy kitties we should be good.

I work today and it should be an ok day.  Workshop was canceled due to weather so no worries about driving to pick them up.  So it’s just normal afternoon routine (my fingers are crossed).

Well I think I am going to go shower before I have to bundle up and brave the cold.  Stay warm friends.

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Saturday Off Day

Good Saturday morning my friends.  It’s a little after 9 am and  I am dressed for the day.  We were going to the 10am showing of Aquaman, but the family is either sleeping or in their jammies still.  Which is fine.  Some days roll like that.  I have other things that I can do this morning.  Or I can start motivating everybody to get moving and make it to the 11am show.

We are on the final days of 2018 and I am not sad to see it go.  It was a bit of a struggle this year.  Money, health concerns, relationships, but it was also a year for growth.  AND I am not talking about what happened to my ass.  I learn more and more about myself each year.

The question am I making any New Year’s Resolutions has already been brought up.  The answer is no.  This year I am just trying to do better.  Maybe not your idea of better or society’s idea of better.  Just my idea of better.

Well no movie today so the day is wide open.  Not sure what to do with it now.  I get so few days off like this. But I will figure something out.


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Christmas Morning

Merry Christmas my friends!  It’s almost 8:30 AM.  Me and the furbabies are the only ones up.  Momma got up to pee while we were all awake, snuggling in bed, but she went back to bed.  This gives me a few minutes to chat with you.

So we got up and after the potty breaks the kitties and the puppy were fed.  The laundry is spinning and I am snacking on some cheese. The plan for today is to get dressed and go see my Daddy, Mom and Paul Markell.  I may even swing by and say Merry Christmas to Mrs. Murphy and Bill.  Yes I know many will say why do you do that, they are gone and we could have a big metaphysical discussion.  Here is the truth I just fucking miss them.  So on Birthdays, Anniversaries and Christmas I take a flower or two to say hello, maybe shed a tear if I need to and remember how extremely lucky I have been to be loved by them.

After that it is Christmas with the Gokey family.  We do Secret Santa now because there are so many of us and that is cool.  I love the gift I picked out and I hope my person does too. David has an awesome gift for his person too.  You know after the divorce the Gokey family had every right to dismiss me, but they didn’t and it feels good that one piece of paper didn’t change that.  Sometimes I feel bad for David he didn’t get the same result with all of my family.  Which is kind of funny my family is supposed to be the most liberal.

After that it’s back to the casa for some home time.  Maybe some video games or if Momma is up for is a game of Rummy.  It would be good to kick her and David’s ass on Christmas.

So we are getting to that age more and more of our friends are losing loved ones and the first Christmas is always the hardest.  My Daddy passed in July when Christmas Eve came all of a sudden WOOSH, it was like he had just past all over again.  Cry when you need to my friends.  I don’t give a fuck if you are in the store or in the car.  It’s good to cry and get that shit out.  BUT also try to remember  at least one thing that made you smile after.  For me that is usually my Daddy wearing his suspenders to keep his pants up with no shirt with the buddha belly hanging out.  Makes me smile every time.

Well my friends it’s time for a shower and to get on the road. Have a Safe and Merry Christmas from me and my family.

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Book, Light, Candle

What?  Well I took Mom to see the Neurologist who had her remember three words light, pencil and apple.  He asked her some questions and after asked her what the three words were.  She passed with flying colors.  Which is awesome because it proves she has all her marbles which for almost 84 is a great thing.

Since the appointment however I have been thinking about three words too.  Only with me I am thinking book, light and candle.  Does that mean my marbles are loose?  Maybe.  But I am ok with it.  After all 15 years doing what I do for a living I feel pretty good that I haven’t put a gun in my mouth.  So why book, light and candle?

So Book…In the new year I am going to attempt to read more.  I say attempt because many times I try and five minutes into a book I drop the fucker on the floor. But either way it relaxes me.

Light…I plan on get my eating back on track in the new year.  Not because of any other reason than because I want to.  I felt great when I was eating right and taking care of me.  I want to get back to that. A new Light(er) me.  LOL

Candle… Well I have a habit of burning the candle at both ends and I really have to knock that shit off.  I am not as young as I used to be.  So I am going to try a little harder about relaxing and taking better care.  The bills will still be there tomorrow.

Did you all see beautiful picture at the start of my blog?  My brother did that for Christmas.  It’s badass.  Of course so is he.

Well time to go.  Heading out Christmas shopping for my mother in law and buy some much-needed wrapping paper.  Have a fantastic Wednesday my beautiful friends.

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A Loud Clatter

In The Night Before Christmas  the  author arose from him bed to see what was the matter.   But I know what made the loud Clatter and it wasn’t reindeer.  It was Onyx getting tangled in a lamp cord.  But it was just loud enough to wake Libby, David and I.  Which meant EVERYBODY had to get up to pee.

Now I am laying back in bed and hoping to tire out enough for a bit more sleep.  Been experiencing some side pains which are not fun.  So hoping a little extra rest helps.

So how are things in your world?  Christmas is sneaking up on us.  Are you ready?  My feeling on Christmas this year is basically I could take it or leave it.  I think because my attempts at Christmas Joy have been big old duds.    But maybe it will turn around.

Started writing again.  Nothing serious or deep.  Just ideas of things I would like to do, try or accomplish in my life.  Sometimes I let myself get bogged down with other people’s drama and I quit doing for me.  Got stop that.

Well I think I will try for that extra hour or so of rest.  Take care Friends.


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