Five Days To Go

Dancing, drinking, eating, and sex.  These are the ways that many individuals deal with depression and the blues.  For me it’s eating and Netflix marathons.  Sometimes it takes several of these sessions to get back to where I can function like a relatively  normal human being.  I am not there yet, but I am closer.

I have a vacation coming up in five days.  A vacation where the plan is to find out who the fuck I am.  Make a few decisions about what is next for me,  to get a little organization in my life and get back to the things I love like writing and reading.  I swear both of those are more difficult for me then they have ever been.  My concentration level is just shot.

I may need a med increase.  I will check into that after I am back on track with my diet habits.  But sometimes when the weather changes and the stress is greater I ask for a temporary med change to battle the blues.

Well it’s time to go.  Life is calling once again.  Places to go, people to take care of and of course decisions to be made.  Take Care Now.

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2018: A Rocky Start

Well I don’t know about you all but 2018 appears to be off to a rocky start.  My brother is in the hospital.  Misunderstandings are leading to hurt feelings at hone.  Work never stops being difficult. I am just tired.

I have the opportunity to take a second job a couple of midnights a week.  Good money  and I am considering it.  An extra $200 a week  would help get me caught up and I could pay off my car and pay more on my taxes. Something to think about.

We did get all the Christmas decorations put away.  The house looks a little bear but that’s ok.

Going to do purging and organizing over the next couple of months.  There are some things that haven’t been used in years that someone else could probably use.  Donation time.

Well back to work.  One of my New Year’s Resolutions is to blog once a week.  We can discuss the other items another day.  Goodnight friends.

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Please Have A Cookie.

Good Christmas Eve Morning.  I am currently at work.  I have been here since 6am but my mind is at home where in just a few hours we will be having our Christmas Dinner.

The last couple of days have been stressful and fun at the same time. I did a lot of things I haven’t done in many years.  I Christmas shopped for gifts and wrapped presents.  In the last five years or so I just did gift cards.  My wrapping skills have actually improved.

And man did we make cookies!  I mean a ton of them.  Peanut Butter, Peanut Butter Blossoms, Snowballs, Thumbprints, Chocolate Kringles, Sugar Cookies and Jam Bow Ties.


Also yesterday  was my baby Libby’s 1st. Birthday.  She had her own birthday cake and whatever fell on the floor while making cookies.  She is still an excitable pup, but she is getting better everyday.

Well I have paperwork to do before I leave.  Looking forward to seeing my family for dinner.  And if I don’t get back until after. MERRY CHRISTMAS FRIENDS!

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My Winter Wonderland

I am sitting at work looking out the window at my very own Winter Wonderland.  It’s the most beautiful sight.

Inside the house we are comfortable and watching Christmas specials.  We have nine days until Christmas or in my family’s case eight days to our celebration.

I can’t lie I am feeling it this year.  Christmas cards are done.  Just need to put the stamps on and put them in the mail

Amazon was such a blessing with Christmas shopping.  Gifts are coming in.  Today I will do a little more wrapping.

I am getting the ingredients for the Christmas cookies a little at a time.  I hope we can start Baking Wednesday.  Mom and I have a gingerbread house to put together.  I think it will be fun.

My Libby has a birthday in seven days!  She will be a year old.  Full of energy, incredibly stubborn and a huge pain in my ass.  But she fills a place that was empty since I lost Tyler.  She will calm down as she ages, but I hope she always is excited to see me when I come home.  Puppy kisses are the best.

Well my friends it’s time to go be productive.  Have a fantastic Saturday!

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Early Morning Blessings

It’s a little before 7AM on Friday morning.  I was just up to pee and let Libby out to pee.  I debated staying up but since I seem to be permanently exhausted I decided to lay back down.

I crawled into my old bed.  The one with the hole in the mattress right where I lay and I smiled. Why?  My mattress.  Bought and paid for by me in 24 not so easy payments.  Lol

I stress a lot about money this time of year.  Pick up ALL  the available shifts and still struggle a bit, but we always make it through.  Laying here in MY bed, listening to my soulmate snore and having my puppy curled up next to me the struggle is worth it.

In the next room curled up with her very favorite furry friend is my very best friend.  Knowing she is here and not alone makes it all worth it.  Getting a morning kiss and a smile makes going to work easier.

I couldn’t imagine not having a family at home.  Without them what would my incentive be?  Each time Lilly jumps on the counter to be petted or Cali curls up on my tummy to watch TV I feel loved.

My eyes are getting heavy and puppy is making me warm and toasty.  So I think I will close now.  I can still sleep two more hours.  Goodnight Friends.


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8 Pounds and Scared

Hello again my friends.  Sorry for the delay the crazy hours are winding down and I am thankful for that.  I am not picking up any overtime hours until Saturday in hopes to give my body (which hates me right now) a much-needed break.  So I am being a bit of a hermit.  At work being constantly talked to, yelled at or doing the talking just wears a person out.  If I had a dollar every single time I heard my name my bills would all be paid.

Ok I am guessing you are wondering about the title of this post.  Well it is what I have come to understand is happening in my life right now.  I am a prime example of an emotional eater.  I eat when happy, sad, angry confused or because its Thursday.  I am a food soother.  I also know that I am out of control.

I have been avoiding stepping on the scale for several weeks and I have not been logging my meals as I should.  I KNEW the whole time I was fucking up, but I didn’t want to deal with it.  So yesterday I stepped on the scale and I have gained 8 pounds.  Now there was a time an 8 pound gain would have been nothing, but after surgery an 8 pound gain over a couple of months is a huge deal.

Ok so now I have the number and now I just have to figure out the why.  There is always at least one big why and probably several small ones.  The big one is the changing of the job is coming up fast and to be honest I am scared.  The what if’s are killing me.  What if I suck at the job?  What if I hate it?  What if I can’t get the overtime I need?  What if David’s surgery doesn’t go well and he needs care?  New jobs don’t give a flying fuck.  What if I am not the best anymore?

See I told you there was a lot going on in my head.  So as I laid resting which I have been doing a lot lately to catch up and my little mind went on swirling I thought of a couple of things.  There are two affirmations I plan to post where I can see them.  1) You are a strong, beautiful and intelligent woman. You deserve good things.  2) You are scared. Own it! Don’t eat it!   Just writing them out gave me a little boost and a smile.

And finally I told myself to stop worrying about the big picture.  Sign up for the test, get back on the program and go one day at time.  Worry about what the doctors say until they say it.  Worry about the two weeks notice closer to the two weeks and for crying out loud remember I am just one lady.  Not Wonder Woman.

Ok friends it’s time to go do this one day at a time stuff.  Have a great day and I will visit again soon.

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Beyond Busy

Hi my friends.  Sorry it’s been a while.  I am working a lot of strange hours.  It’s a hard time right now with my boss on vacation, one staff on maternity leave and a few other changes.   But here is a picture of one of the blessings that is coming from this mess


This is Amina (I don’t know if that is how her name is spelled) she is a little love.

Along with work I have been doing a little shopping.  Some stuff to make my bedroom more comfortable and a new winter coat.  I actually was going to buy the black one, but I accidentally ordered the cranberry.  Which I love!  A very happy accident!

I am counting down the days (64) until I switch jobs.  I may have to try several different places, but I am confident I will find a new work family.

Two more days until Halloween and it’s my first Halloween in a long time that I haven’t been home to celebrate with my family.  I am a tad disappointed.  This is my special holiday.  I am praying with the new career this will be the last one I miss for a while.

Well this is short and sweet, but it’s back to work for me.  Eight more days of double duty and then back to “normal”. Have a fantastic Sunday friends.

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Working Weekend

Goooood morning.  It’s a working weekend, but in my time as a working adult pretty much every weekend has been a working weekend.  This weekend just seems  different because I haven’t worked this week because I am in school.   I have been able to get caught up on some much needed rest.  My back and my knee are both thanking me.  I got to work at 2:30pm and work until 12am.  Then off until 6am where I start the fun all over again.

Classes are going pretty good.  I missed one on the exam, because I didn’t read the question right.  That really pissed me off because I was the one to yell out the right answer during exam prep.  So the next exam is on Monday and I will remind myself slow down, read the whole question and double-check my answers.

I still have a problem with flicking my fingers when washing my hands.  Which is a huge no no.  So my Momma said think of yourself as swan and brush the water off your feathers.  Sounds so silly, but it actually works.  I even told my instructor and classmates about it.  They looked at me like I am nuts, but I bet someone else remembers it that way too.

My instructor says I have the makings of a good CNA but I really do need to start working on having a censor.  Holding my tongue, not cussing will be my biggest challenges.

Well it’s time to go shower and get ready for work.  Have a great day my friends.  It’s supposed to be a hot one here in Michigan.

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First Day of School

Greetings friends today was the first day of school.  I am going for my CNA training.  It was a pretty good day.

Many of my fellow classmates are twenty something’s.  But most appear to be there to become a good care giver.

My  Mom was right about my pants they were still to long.  Walking up the steps I nearly pants myself from stepping on the bottoms.

Speaking of bottoms.  I am so glad I ordered the bigger bottoms.  I sat in class behind people who were wearing their actual size.  But when they sat down I either saw ass or underpants.

I was worried about my tattoo but when I walk in there are guys with full sleeves and ladies with neck tattoos.  Hell one girl actually came in wearing flip flops.

Tomorrow is another day of lecture and labs.  And my first test is Wednesday.

Trying to rock the white scrubs. 

White scrubs just aren’t my color.  Not to mention I already got lunch on them the first day.  But hey I still put on the earrings to class it up a bit.  Well it’s bedtime for me.  Goodnight friends.  Send me good vibes that school goes well and I tetain everything I need to.

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Kitty Robe

Good morning friends.  It is almost 7:30 am and I am sitting in front of one of the group homes I am responsible for.  I am in my Pink Kitty Robe and tennis shoes.  Why?  Well at 7:30 I am dispensing AM meds here and I just didn’t want to wake up at the butt crack of dawn to dress and shower to do it.

Today is a full day.  My nephew’s birthday party is this early afternoon.  Going to go see my mother in law at her house and maybe my brother in law who is in hospice.  Then home to clean Erin’s cage or as my mom calls him the dirty bird. LOL. And then I think some more going through papers.  I am going with a simpler system then I had.  I also think I am going to make dinner. Maybe.

Tonight I work the midnight.  After I come home and grab my stuff for my first day of class.  Which I am excited about.  When I was in my twenties and had classes I half assed it.  In my forties I give it all.  Because I deserve the best.

I don’t like change.  I don’t like putting myself out there.  I have been comfortable and safe (but poor) at my current job for a long time.  But safe isn’t expanding my horizons any.    It’s time to make the changes.  Even with the fear of failing in the background.  After all failure is growth too.  BUT hopefully this little adventure will be a big win!



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