Good evening friends and Family.  I hope you are all doing well.  Lately I have started listening to audiobooks in the car.  Right now I am listening to HOW TO STOP FEELING LIKE SHIT  by Andrea Owen. I have to tell you guys I am loving this book.  The Title tells it all.  It talks about all the things we do or allow to be done to us that make us feel like shit.  In today’s chapter she was talking about people that are extremely hard on themselves when they fuck up (me).  It doesn’t matter if it is a little fuck up or a big fuck up (me again). Whether it was done on purpose or a mistake (soo me).  She talked about AFGO  I can’t remember if she made it up or learned from someone else, but I heard it from her.  When I fuck up instead of filling my head with negative talk (I am so fucking stupid!  How do I even remember to breath?) I am to say AFGO which means Another Fucking Growth Opportunity.  Instead of mentally beating the shit out of myself I say ok I fucked up.  How do I grow from it?  Definitely easier said than done.  BUT once I start doing it more and more instead of beating myself up it will become the healthier habit.

The book is geared to women, but I think guys could get stuff out of it too if they are inclined.  I am not saying it’s going to change me into a whole new woman, but as I change (which I feel I am) I want those changes to be positive for me and those around me.  Hell yes I can be evil, self centered and at times scary, but I don’t want to be.  I chose somewhere within the last couple of years to start doing things differently and I have.  Some shit is harder to deal with than others.  Taking the baby steps forward and trying to acquire the skills to make these changes is helping.  But as we all know the journey never ends we just hope with each step we become better.

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The Wolf…

I don’t know about you, but The Wolf is at my door.  It’s nerve wracking to me.  I have a huge thing about falling behind on my bills even if it’s temporary.  So I have decided to look for some overtime or a second job and work when I can.  There are some serious medical bills to deal with.  I will be tired as hell, but I refuse to stay behind.

We are already half way through January and I must say it’s going by quicker then I thought it would.  I am doing pretty good health wise (you bet your ass I just knocked on wood).  So that is a plus.

I think as I age I enjoy the simple things about my life more.  I love watching tv at home in the living room curled up with the fur babies and my Soulmate.  The joys of cooking dinner which I used to hate.  Walking into my kitchen and saying yes this feels right.  Doing laundry and sitting on the bed folding it as I watch Netflix.  My 20 year old self would never believe the simplest things are bliss.

So Valentine’s Day is right around the corner.  I don’t give a shit if it is a hallmark holiday.  They have a few awesome cards at Kroger that I am looking  at for my coworkers and they come with chocolate.  Lol  Not to mention the flowers!  I love getting flowers.  Doesn’t even have to be expensive ones.

Coupons!  Yes I bought a Sunday paper and I will be going on before I do the little bit of grocery shopping I can do.  I do a lot of shopping at Aldi, but if Kroger or another store has a deal I can’t pass up for my job or family then I will make the trip.  There is nothing wrong with a little savings.

Got to see my Momma yesterday.  We went to Sam’s Club and Walmart and I think we both got worn out.  Lol.  She did pick up a couple of tops.  I hope she likes them they are pretty.

Ok time to go get busy!  Have a great evening my beautiful friends.

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Let It Rain!

A very good Saturday morning to you!  Man is it raining!  Where is the Ark?  Actually this rain doesn’t bother me.  I am not looking forward to the snow and ice that are coming soon.  I already told my coworker if it’s to bad stay home.  It’s not worth it.

We have a potential New Little Darling visiting and it’s a very different feel for her.  We are an extremely structured home.  Where the people that live here are assisted to learn to do for themselves.  I gather that isn’t the case where she lives now.  But if she decides to move here it will be a great opportunity for her to grow in a structured setting.

Today when I get home I have two major tasks to complete.  Clean the bird cage and the cat boxes.  LOL  Doesn’t that sound exciting?  It may not be the most fun activity I have to do, but it’s the labor of love thing.  Clean potties equal healthy fur babies.

This Monday I have a doctor’s appointment I should have been taking my meds and sticking to a diet.  One out of two isn’t bad.  Can you guess which one I have stuck with?  Of course you can.  The plan is now that I am remembering to take my pills on a daily basis I will work on improving another area of my life.  Baby steps and all that stuff.

I was just cruising Pinterest which is like my porn and came across a recipe for Cherry Pineapple Dump Cake which sounds yummy for our next staff meeting.  Like the boss and I always say if there is a staff meeting there better be food.  Lol

Well it’s time to make up then menu and shopping list for the next two weeks.  Maybe I will do a little more Pinterest hunting for something yummy.  Have a great rest of your weekend and stay safe out there.


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Money Is As Tight As A Puckered Asshole

Yes I said that yesterday to a friend when they asked if I wanted to out yesterday.  LOL  She looked at me like she wasn’t sure what to say.  You can tell she hasn’t known me very long or that wouldn’t have surprised her.  BUT it gave me a giggle!

Gooood Sunday morning my friends.  It is a clear Sunday morning here in Oxford.  A little cold, but certainly nothing we Michiganders can’t handle.  I am at work and my Little Darling is working on her scrapbooking.  Soon we will be doing a little grocery shopping  to start off the work week on the right foot (well her work week lol).

The house smells strongly of onions because I just cut them up for homemade beef stew.  I hope as the stew cooks in the crock pot that smell is replaced by the spices.  Onion smell is seriously yucky. I got  a simple but interesting recipe from Pinterest.

Tomorrow I am headed down to Westland to visit with my Momma and family.  My sister in law keeps me up to date of her progress which is awesome.  I don’t worry about her as much as I used since she is there.  We have an appointment and then I don’t know what we are going to do.  I am up for anything.

Well friends going to get some things done around here and then head out to the store.  Have a fantastic day!

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First Day of 2020 and Walmart

Yes friends that is right in roughly three hours I will be going to Walmart on the very first day of the New Year.  Pray for me please!  Lol!  No seriously at work we are running low on a few items and I have a gift card to use up.  Not to mention it is good exercise for my oldest darling and I and it will take a chunk out of the sixteen hour day.

I have a shopping list and a menu to make up and so what am I doing?  Playing on the computer.  Can we say avoidance technique?  You know I don’t mind shopping as much as I used to.  I used to be concerned that people were staring and judging what the fat chick was buying.  Does that surprise you?  I mean I come off as all I GOT THIS STRONG, but most of the time underneath it’s more let me hold on.  BUT then the day came when I realized most people are just trying to hang on.  So now I walk through the store offering people smiles and greetings.  Especially the older people because I don’t know how many smiles they actually get to see in a day.  This helps me too, I stopped worrying about what people think.  What is that saying…”Other people’s opinion of you is not your concern.”

So I have decided this year I would like to go on date night twice a month on payday.  There are a few places I have been wanting to visit and when I drive by I say one day I would like to eat there or hey wouldn’t it be great to take a class in that.  One day is now and I need to start living more like that.

Well it’s time to shift gears and head to Pinterest. I need to find a crockpot beef stew recipe, make that menu and shopping List.  Have a great first day of 2020 my beautiful friends.

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Last Day of 2019

Today has been a very busy day.  I decided to work a double because let’s face it the hospital bills are nasty big and not going away.  So I am back to working two or more overtime shifts for a while.  Today I don’t know if it was good fortune or a potential oh shit, but the home I started at 16 years ago is in dire need of help and I said I would try a O.T. shift or two there and see how it goes.  It will be good see my original guys again.

The last day of 2019 and it has been snowing pretty much all day.  Looks beautiful out, but not fun to drive in.  I am only off for eight hours before I am due back in tomorrow, but I want to bring in the New Year with my family.  We all will probably already be sleeping, but at least we will be together.

Today is my oldest brother’s birthday and if my memory is correct he is 58 today.  Which of course he doesn’t look.  He has always looked younger than what he really is.  I wished him a very Happy Birthday and sent him my love.

On the last day of the year people are talking about resolutions and big changes.  I use to do that too.   Then I realized with big lofty goals I was just setting myself up for failure.  So the only thing I am asking from myself is to keep moving in a positive direction in 2020.  Baby steps are fine and mistakes are going to happen but as long as I am making positive changes I feel good about then why not.

This is what I look look today.  Notice there is no makeup or hair dye just me.  I have become comfortable and happy with this version of me.  I expect I will be more grey and have more wrinkles that you will be able to see at the end of 2020 and that’s ok.  Because right now at the of 2019 I have lived through some serious shit this year.  Cried major tears and suffered big losses.  At the same time I have loved deeply.  Family, my beautiful friends, my Soul Mate of 23 years and my furry babies.

Hell yes 2019 has been rough and yes I am hoping for a better 2020, but whatever comes my way I will handle it I hope in a positive manner.  Let’s make some Mother Fucking Lemonade out of some lemons.

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Two Months Since…

Our last visit. So Much to bring you up to speed on and in truth I just don’t want to.  I want to think about the future a bit instead.  I am sure a little bit about the last two months will come up in future writings.

We are at the end of 2019 and I am saying goodbye thank you for the lessons and memories, but this has not been my favorite year.  Lots of loss, illness,  too many feelings and a overwhelming feeling of being lost.  My hope is with some much needed changes 2020 will be a year of improvement and love.  Yes that does sound a little Eat Pray Love like, but that’s ok.  It was a good movie and a better book.  Lol

I have noticed my abilities to write in complete sentences and spell them correctly has taken a massive hit lately.  One of my goals this year is to write more and more importantly better.  Wish me luck.

I have been driving down to see my mom at the rehab center in Canton several times a week.   This has been hard on me financially  so I got behind on the monthly bills.  I will get caught up.  I always do, but it means more overtime (yes I know counterproductive to the more rest thing) and some tightening of the belt.  No meals out, more coupons and more evenings in.  In a couple of months I should be back on solid ground.

I keep driving by this old building that is for sale.  I say to myself one day I am going to buy that building and build a kitten cafe there.  Just a little spot where people can come in for a cup  of coffee and cuddle a kitten.  I see myself there surrounded by kitties doing bottle feedings and hearing the little meows. Of course there will be older cats there too.  Because snuggles come in all shapes and sizes.  A place full of caffeine and furry butts sounds like heaven on earth to me.  I even have a name CELLO Cafe. If you know me you might guess that is the first letter of each of my children from oldest to youngest.

I am also seriously thinking of switching jobs.  I have no place to advance to here and raises stopped coming unless given by the state.  There are 20 somethings make more money then me in a grocery store and fast food restaurant.  What am I going to do?  No clue, but I will let you know when I figure it out.

Well it’s getting to be that time.  I have some bills to pay and shopping to do.  But I also feel the need for a nap so I am not sure which I will do first.   Take Care.


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A Rare Free Day

Tomorrow I have the day free and I am planning on cooking a homemade dinner and dessert AT HOME.  A chicken ranch potato casserole with a vegetable side.  Dessert will be a crockpot apple pudding.  I am kind of excited, but freshly squeezing oranges and peeling apples worries me because I am not that handy in the kitchen.  But what the heck lets try.

The other thing I need to do is gather up the summer outside decorations and get the put away for the winter.  It’s past time to do that.

Then a water change for the fish tank should be the end of my chores.  We have more Fries coming so the water change might mean more little ones survive.  I have three very pregnant platies.  I have four little Babies which is kind of cool.

I also have to prep for Mom’s doctor appointment and David’s DHS appointment both are on Monday.  I am looking forward to see my mom.  It’s been two week and that sucks.  But knowing she is somewhere safe makes it easier.

Well time to go make my shopping list.  Have a great night.

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A Rough Couple Of Weeks

Hi there.  Sorry it’s been so long.  I have had a tough couple of weeks and I am still trying to process.  It’s amazing how much a person can handle when they have to.  But only for so long.

About a month ago one of my Little Darlings started getting ill doctor said it was a virus.  Ten days after that she went into the hospital.  She was in there for a about a week and a half.  She was diagnosed with Colon cancer that had spread to other organs and it was terminal.  The choice was made to bring her home and have hospice come in.  She  wasn’t even home three days when she passed.  I was with her when she took her last breath.  Sitting with someone at home when they pass is different then being in the hospital.  At the hospital you sit and watch the machines and medical professionals are there with you.  Here I was the medical professional.  I was the one searching for her pulse, calling everyone, sitting and waiting.  Knowing that I have been trained to save lives to not call 911 or do CPR was strange and made me feel helpless.

We made it through the viewing and the funeral as a work family.  Staying strong for each other.  Some tears, but not the deep cry I am still waiting on that.  Work is strangely quiet now.  I miss hearing her meow at me and laugh when we are joking around.  I miss so much.

Momma had a unexpected move to my brother’s house in Westland.  The details are not mine to give.  The move was a lot of work but we had help from friends.  Now I need to gather all numbers, information and odds and ends for my brother.  I will continue my Monday visits with my mom just in Westland now.

My mental state is a bit rocky and I haven’t even decorated for Halloween.  My house is a wreck and I don’t have the energy to do anything about it.  David’s Birthday is today and I did nothing and I feel terrible about that.  Bunco is tomorrow evening and I was going to make a Halloween Trifle, but I am still worn out.

You know that saying the things that don’t kill you make you stronger?  I think I am strong enough for a while thank you.  I think I will take a vacation next month.  It will probably just be a staycation,  but sleep and reading sounds perfect to me.

Well friends I suppose it is time to get back to work.  I will try to keep in touch better.  Take Care.

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The Last Weekend in September

A very good Sunday morning my friends. I hope you have had a fantastic weekend. It is the last one of September and I can hardly believe it. The month has flew by and I have accomplished absolutely nothing. Well at least it feels that way. The front bushes still have not been trimmed, haven’t cut down the tree in the fence and I haven’t even managed to get the fairy garden packed up for the fall. That is what I will be concentrating on this week.

But it has been a very stressful time at work one of my Little Darlings is ill. I can’t go into more detail because the nature of my job. However if you pray I would appreciate those.

It’s been an extremely long week so yesterday we went to get dinner out at Culver’s and while we’re there they gave Libby a pup cup. Which is a little cup of ice cream with a doggie treat on top. As you can see she was extremely happy. Honestly I think businesses that do these type of things are pretty cool because many of us treat our animals as if they are our children.

Today ends my 70 hour work week and I am exhausted. My house looks like a tornado hit it and even though this week I would normally start putting up my Halloween decorations I don’t know if that’s going to happen yet or not. I did get some sleep last night however so I don’t look like a zombie anymore. Yesterday I put a picture on Instagram and it looks like a mugshot from Oakland county jail. LOL.

I’m going to show you a couple pictures of something that I’m working on. It is called diamond art and I’m sure most of you have heard of it by now. The funny thing is even though it’s dealing with small pieces I find it extremely calming for me. The left side is what has already been done the ear and the bow. I have about two and a half hours of work in it so far.

Minnie Diamond Art

The tools that come with it are pink wax, a stylus wand, a gray tray with ridges for your diamonds and the diamonds

And since this is something that I enjoy I have already ordered a kit for Christmas so I went ahead and bought myself a diamond box from Amazon for my diamonds. It’s easier than working with the little bags.

This week is going to be extremely busy. We have to take Honey to get a haircut tomorrow and I will be spending the day with my mom. The evening I have to get my shit together and get my yard stuff taken care of. Wednesday there’s some doctor appointments that need to be ran. And it’s also a 60 hour work week.  I know I can do it all, I just hope I have the energy to do it all well.

Okay my beautiful friends I think I’m going to go work on my project for a little while have a fantastic week and please keep my Little Darling in your prayers.

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