8 Pounds and Scared

Hello again my friends.  Sorry for the delay the crazy hours are winding down and I am thankful for that.  I am not picking up any overtime hours until Saturday in hopes to give my body (which hates me right now) a much-needed break.  So I am being a bit of a hermit.  At work being constantly talked to, yelled at or doing the talking just wears a person out.  If I had a dollar every single time I heard my name my bills would all be paid.

Ok I am guessing you are wondering about the title of this post.  Well it is what I have come to understand is happening in my life right now.  I am a prime example of an emotional eater.  I eat when happy, sad, angry confused or because its Thursday.  I am a food soother.  I also know that I am out of control.

I have been avoiding stepping on the scale for several weeks and I have not been logging my meals as I should.  I KNEW the whole time I was fucking up, but I didn’t want to deal with it.  So yesterday I stepped on the scale and I have gained 8 pounds.  Now there was a time an 8 pound gain would have been nothing, but after surgery an 8 pound gain over a couple of months is a huge deal.

Ok so now I have the number and now I just have to figure out the why.  There is always at least one big why and probably several small ones.  The big one is the changing of the job is coming up fast and to be honest I am scared.  The what if’s are killing me.  What if I suck at the job?  What if I hate it?  What if I can’t get the overtime I need?  What if David’s surgery doesn’t go well and he needs care?  New jobs don’t give a flying fuck.  What if I am not the best anymore?

See I told you there was a lot going on in my head.  So as I laid resting which I have been doing a lot lately to catch up and my little mind went on swirling I thought of a couple of things.  There are two affirmations I plan to post where I can see them.  1) You are a strong, beautiful and intelligent woman. You deserve good things.  2) You are scared. Own it! Don’t eat it!   Just writing them out gave me a little boost and a smile.

And finally I told myself to stop worrying about the big picture.  Sign up for the test, get back on the program and go one day at time.  Worry about what the doctors say until they say it.  Worry about the two weeks notice closer to the two weeks and for crying out loud remember I am just one lady.  Not Wonder Woman.

Ok friends it’s time to go do this one day at a time stuff.  Have a great day and I will visit again soon.

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One Response to 8 Pounds and Scared

  1. momma says:

    What can I say you have the answers right in your head. Forget the what ifs and concentrate what you know! You are smart. You can do anything you put your mind to you just have to do it. You know you will get support from all of us so don’t worry.

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