Day 3 I woke up feeling a little better. I am sitting here attached to what I fondly call my automatic drip. A beautiful older frail woman sits next to me named Molly. She is about my mother’s age I would guess. She wears a scarf around her head. Always a beautiful color or colors.
While I am on day three and my final day this is her every day. Kidney failure. She doesn’t talk a lot but the one thing she says to everyone is get your rest and listen to the the God damn doctor!
Love her. Blunt people are my people. She says she can tell I am a worrier. I check my phone, my calendar, I make appointments when I should be resting. “Find yourself a good therapist honey,” she says to me. “You can’t save the world.”
I just told her I was writing about her. She said, ” Of course you are I am a fucking vision” Lol.
Maybe this happened so I would meet this lady. Maybe this was my warning sign. Slow down bitch you can’t do it all type of deal.
Molly’s husband has arrived. “Come on Molls”, he says “let’s blow this pop stand and find turkey sandwich.”
I have 30 more minutes because I got here late. Think that’s just enough for a quick nap.
Hasn’t gone as well as I had hoped. A rough 3AM start on my birthday set the tone I think.
I smiled through the day and enjoyed the blessings I had before me. I went to bed in a little pain, but thought when I wake up tomorrow will be better.
Tomorrow wasn’t better. Tomorrow the pain got worse and I took myself in to be looked at. A kidney infection and a gall bladder infection. Treatment began right away.
I come home exhausted and the fun really begins. So I rest woke up this morning to continue what the doctor ordered. And that means more rest.
Life continues on and I got to tell you I don’t know what to do.
Tomorrow is day three of doing what the doctor says and another day of rest.
What then? How should 47 go? How can I help? What do I do to make life better?
A very Happy Mother’s Day to you all. I hope you all have had an amazing day. We celebrated with my Momma yesterday. We had lasagna casserole, garlic bread and chocolate cake for dessert.
A chocolate cake with raspberry mousse.
My brother Les and my sister in law Anne came for dinner. It was great to see them. This is one of my favorite photos of Mom and I. One day I will print it and frame it. We were out at Drag King/Queen show fundraiser.
Momma and I
Everybody keeps asking me what did I get for Mother’s Day. David let me get my present early and I got this amazing purse. So fucking cute with it’s whiskers on one side and tail on the other. I have only carried it for two days and four people have told me they love it.
Whiskers on the front.
Tail on the back.
It’s just PURRFECT! LOL So tell me what did you do for Mother’s Day? Did you spend it with your mom or maybe your children? Have a great night!
Okay folks I’m going to say something that’s going to upset many people are you ready? Avengers Endgame disappointed me. I am not going to go into a lot of detail because of spoilers and I don’t want to be that dick to spoil it for people.
I will say that I’m willing to talk about it on an individual basis. I don’t know how David felt about it I think he’s still processing.
I will give it about a month and then I’m going to go on a rant about it. Not that it didn’t have good points because it really did but some key things really pissed me off.
On the bright side I did sit through a 3-hour movie without peeing my pants. Of course I hadn’t ate or drink anything since 10 p.m. the night before. I did however drink a small icee during the film and still made it successfully to the bathroom and didn’t even pee on the floor. That’s a win!
I don’t want to dissuade anyone from going to see Avengers Endgame, because let’s face it we all have our favorites.and maybe when I’ve seen it again my opinion will change. That sometimes happens with movies. But right now all I can think is oh my God what were they thinking?!
And I am sitting up in my bed with pillows behind me waiting for the muscle relaxer and pain pill to kick in.
Sometime either late Monday night or early Tuesday morning I rolled over in my bed and heard a pop. I felt immediate pain in my shoulder. I fell back to sleep but when I woke up I couldn’t move my neck and I had severe shoulder blade and boob pain on the right side.
I took a couple pills and went to work because that’s what I do. I go to work and I work through the pain. Then I come home and try to rest bit.
This morning I woke up and it’s better, but not great. We went to doctor appointments and I went to work. I did what I needed to do and then I came home to rest.
I understand that’s some things need to be done and I try my best to get them done. I deal with aches and pains because that’s just part of life. But every once in awhile my panties get bunched when I hear people tell me about how difficult their jobs are and they’re tired all the time and I have no idea what they’re going through.
While it’s true I have no idea what another person is going through but that’s a two-way street. I do know that particular individual works a job where they sit a computer, have scheduled breaks and lunches. They have a set schedule and they work 40 hours a week.
So I smile and I nod with the correct amount of compassion. Inside I’m going you self-centered mother fucker. Rarely do I work 40 hours a week. I don’t get to sit down on my ass to do my job. I don’t get scheduled breaks or lunches, which means sometimes I don’t eat until 8 at night. And I missed out on a whole lot of stuff because I don’t have a set schedule.
So I stop and take a few deep breaths and I start looking at things from another perspective. The what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger side of things. I start to feel lucky, strong, and Independent. I also know that if something happened and my whole life changed tomorrow I could roll with it because every single day I just roll with it.
I’m not even sure where I was going with this entry and that could be because of the pain pills. I guess it comes down to life is hard for everybody and I have the choice of being compassionate and going on with my life or being a douche. I think I’m going to go with compassionate. We seem to have a lot of douches out there.
The quote is April showers bring May flowers. But April for many of those I love has been a month of tears due to so much loss. Mothers, Father’s, brothers and sisters passed leaving broken hearts.
The big question is why? For me I am a believer we are here for a limited time and move on. The question was raised is why some so young leaves us so early and some are blessed with long lives. I believe we are here as long as someone here needs us. Some people stay longer to help more people. Others their time is short because they helped who they were meant to.
Does that sound naive? Does it sound simple? Does it sound like bullshit to you? That’s ok. Because everyone has their own way of thinking. I choose to believe I am here to help. People and animals. And I don’t believe I am alone in that. Just look around ne. Surrounded by amazing and caring people and furry gifts of love.
I have my Angels right here with me every day. I call them family and friends.
Good afternoon from the Casa. I hope wherever you are you have some sunshine in your life. It is Monday and my day off. I am waiting for David to get off the phone to see what we are doing next. Is it the movies? Netflix and chill? Or some other adventure. Days off are rare. Especially days off that aren’t filled with appointments or that I am just to tired to even think.
The house is decorated for Easter and I am starting to plan Easter Day dinner. I think I am going to make my Momma’s lasagna, some garlic bread, salad and deviled eggs. Keep it simple because it may just be dinner for two and that is fine. But I am inviting family and friends.
Work is going ok. We got some paperwork for a potential new roommate for the ladies. On paper she looks awesome. I look forward to meeting her in person.
Health wise I am doing ok too. I had a mammogram done, but they called to say I need further testing. So as soon as my new insurance information gets here I will be doing that. Tired a lot of the time, but honestly I think that is because I work as hard as many twenty year olds. I feel like I am slowing down a bit and that is a good thing. But when I do I start to get all worried again that I am not doing enough.
The children are all doing well. Libby you can tell is really looking forward to the idea of no snow and laying out in the sunshine. Onyx is growing like a weed. Heavy as fuck too. Lilly found the treats and with the help of her little brother they have been stealing them so I had to move them. Cali is still plodding along and is still such a love. Loved so much that neither Grandma or her Daddy make her get out a chair when she is comfortable. Erin needs his cage cleaned. That is on my list of things to do this week. But he is good. Spirit has start playing more with her bell which is cute. I am bribing her with occasional goodies to get her to trust me more.
Well my friends I am not sure what is happening with the movie so i am just going to go get comfortable and read. Have a great day!
Good morning my beautiful friends!I don’t know about where you’re at but here the snow is almost melted and all we are dealing with is some rain and I am a happy camper. I get so worried about slipping and sliding on the ice. Not just me but my mom and David too. So I would be okay if we have seen the last of the snow.
So I put a little outreach on Facebook for support to get back on track with my weight loss. A couple of my nieces and my few close friends are doing just that. And it helps. My mom and David also offered to help and you have no idea how much that means to me. I want them to continue to take care of themselves and not worry about me but just to offer is wonderful. So I’m checking my calories and trying to go to the gym when I can. But I’ve decided one of the most important things I can do is nap instead of eat when I’m tired. Because 4 hours worth of sleep doesn’t always cut it. I need to remember I’m not 20 anymore.
St Patrick’s Day is Sunday and where are my St. Patrick’s Day cards? Well they happened to be sitting on the counter. I know it’s a great fucking place for them. Lol. My plan is still to mail them out tomorrow I know they’ll get there late but hey isn’t it the thought that counts? Besides that I spent money on them and people love getting snail mail that isn’t bills so that’s a bonus.
This weekend I go to working both Saturday and Sunday mornings which is weird that’s going to take some getting used to. I am not a morning person but sometimes we make sacrifices for the good of the many. Just ask Mr. Spock. And if you get that reference you’re as big of a nerd as I am.
Saturday night we have Bunco. I usually try to bring something but I may not this week just because I’m trying to get used to staying away from the goodies but we’ll see. I like bunco because it’s an inexpensive way for us all to get out of the house and enjoy time with other people. Not to mention both David in my mom seem to be very good at winning. Lol Me not so much but that’s okay. I hope Dar and Michael make it this week too. It’s good to see them there.
Well it’s time to get back to work there’s papers to be done and things to be filed. Have a great day everybody. And smile because you’re loved.
Well after a week of going back and forth about my job and insurance I finally made my decisions. I will be staying at my job for at least the next four months so I can lose my regained weight and I hope 20 more pounds after that. So that meant finding a new doctor and getting the insurance paperwork done. So here I sat with eight names. I narrowed it down to two and when I did my final web search I found one isn’t accepting new patients. That helped and I am happy with my choice. I also have two ob/gyn that I am going to investigate in the near future.
In four months I will reevaluate my circumstances and see where to go from there. With these big decisions made I am feeling better. I have a goal in mind and since I am a chicken shit about change this will give me time to get used to the changes as they come.
Also in 142 days I will be completing the 5K Redo. I bailed out last July, I was supposed to do The Color Run/Walk. Between David’s surgery and my own emotional eating I wasn’t prepared. I feel like I need to do this to regain a little self-control and self-esteem.
Well it’s time to get busy. Have a great night.
The normal response is usually work. Today I am in my bed with a serious sciatica pain. Which I would normally handle with a pain pill and muscle relaxer and go about my day. However a recent kidney issue makes that not a possible solution. So rest and warmth will have to do.
Which sucks because I wanted to beat my mom’s ass at cards again today (it would be three times in a row😀). Maybe make some yummy Mac and cheese. Get some stuff done around the house and fart without wanting to die. Lol
Libby and Onyx are keeping me company so that is a good thing. Nothing like warm little bodies and cold noses to make a girl feel loved.
Even with the pain and the downtime I still feel blessed. Pain let’s me know I am alive even though I could use less of it. And I have a place that is safe and warm to recover. And most importantly people and furbabies who love me.