The Bargain With God

Hi there. Here is something that has been on my mind for a couple of weeks now.  In my close family I am I think one of the few that actually believe in God.  Which is cool.  I respect that we all have various opinions and I love everybody even more for because they can openly express those differences with one another.  There is a point to this I swear.

When I was prepping for my bariatric surgery one of the things I did consider is it is a major surgery and there are life threatening risks.  I prayed about that A LOT.  I prayed for the strength to survive it and if that didn’t happen I prayed for strength for my family.  If you don’t believe in prayer that is cool, but for me it was a comfort when I was going to bed the night before to have this conversation with God.

The day of the surgery I looked as cool as a cucumber.  That was the way I was supposed to look.  I had my Momma and my soul mate there with me and they sure didn’t need the extra worry.  On the inside I was saying some serious prayers.

In the operating room as I was lying there waiting to be knocked out and the surgery to begin. I looked up at that plain white ceiling and I made my last plea or more like bargain with God.  I said if I survived the surgery I would do everything the doctors told me, exercise as I was instructed and go to church every Sunday.

Now you and I know whether you are a believer or not that you don’t actually bargain with God.  Whatever is supposed to happen just happens, but at that time I was scared as hell so I bargained.  Lucky for me I woke up and as you all also know other then a lingering cold I have been blessed with being very healthy.  Thank God.

I am ashamed to say that I have not followed through with my bargain.  I do what the doctors tell me, but I have not done the exercise as I promised and I have not been to church.  Those are two situations I plan to rectify today.  It is Sunday which makes it an ideal day to get started.  Go to church and go to the gym.  Why not?  What will it hurt?  Certainly not my health and maybe it will lift my spirits.

Until I found myself in a situation where I didn’t know if I would ever take another breath again I didn’t know how I would react.  Does my reaction shock you?  Was it different than you anticipated?  It was for me, but it was cool too.  I didn’t know for sure that I still believed as strongly as I do.

Well friends time to shower and dress for church.  Have a great day.  I know I will.  Also a side note friends.  No matter what you believe or don’t believe remember my love for you is forever.  The differences are what make us special and unique.  Take care!

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Illness and Dealing

Hi friends!  I am still sick, but I hope I am at the tail end.  My new schedule is interesting and I am unsure how I feel about it.  The idea of three days off is nice, but it is strange to me.

Working alone is kind of cool.  I stay busier and I know things are done the way I like them.

I broke out of the 400’s this week.  So that is 85 pounds gone.  I am proud of that.  I am still having a hard time getting all my protein in but as I feel better it will get easier.

I really want to do something to bring the smiles back to the house, but I am not sure yet what to do.  But I will think of something.

 

 

 

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Bathroom, scale and sickness

Hi there.  It has been a while.  I haven’t felt much like writing.  I have been under the weather.  Which is causing weight loss issues.  But the good news is we have a rocking bathroom. Lol.

We started the new work schedule today.  Have to say it is pretty fucking boring being alone on shift. Yes I stay busy, but still it is a change.

I got a gym membership the other day but I haven’t gone yet.  I am still tired and find myself dragging.  I just need to find the motivation.

OK this is very short but I will be back soon.  Just need a little time to rest up.

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cindyisms.com

Look Ma I am now a .Com! That’s right I am moving on up (with the help of my brother).  It’s kind of cool and may even motivate me to write more.

It’s 4:30am and  I am awake. I took a nap that turned in a slumber this afternoon.    So I am watching Practical Magic.

I am feeling pretty good. I have been on Purees since Tuesday.  It is hit or miss on what works and what doesn’t.  Scrambled eggs are difficult, but tuna and refried beans are OK.

Well feeling a loss for words. So I think I am going to call it a night.

 

 

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55lbs

 

This is me!

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The Problem With Late Afternoon Naps

Is that it results in later bedtimes. But tomorrow my hope is to get back on track.
Today was just a cluster fuck that turned into a learning experience. I was not prepared to be out for more then an hour or so today. I was actually out four hours. I didn’t have my protein, extra water or extra pills. Luckily I am in very good health so other then being a little overly tired I was ok. BUT that is the kind of shit I need to prepare for. So I have a extra lunch bag that I will stock with supplies for the future.

Leg is still bothering me, but certainly nothing unbearable. I just had Tylenol and that will help me sleep.

Tomorrow or later today according to the clock I go to see the surgeon. A post op visit. I don’t expect any surprises, but I am prepared.

Been doing some coloring. It passes the time and keeps me busy when I start worrying about the things I can’t control.

Currently Cali and I are snuggled up in bed. Lilly will show up in her own sweet time. I think I am going to read for a half an hour or so.

I am so damn lucky friends and I know it. I was killing myself slowly. I am not going to dwell on how stupid that is. I am just going to be thankful I finally pulled my head out of my ass. Good night friends.

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Pain Meds and a Little Visit

Good evening my dear Friends. Just a quick FYI I already took my pain meds so I may fade on you.

It is Sunday night and surgery was Tuesday. I stayed two nights in the hospital because I kept throwing up.

Doing really well I think. But we will hear from the professionals tomorrow. Getting in my protein, most of my water, my required meds and am starting to get the needed vitamins in.

I had visitors come by for a visit and brought me beautiful flowers.

Momma has been taking such good care of me and I am glad she is here. I am pretty stable but knowing she is here when I am in the shower and having her check on me when she gets up to pee and I am sleeping is very cool.

And the house looks so beautiful! Momma’s and my decorations together give this place a special feel. The birds in the doorway. The snowman in the window. And a big tree the girls can curl up under and nap.

Yes I have some pain,but what I mostly feel is loved and so very thankful!
Good night friends and sweet dreams!

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Unexpected Events

Good evening my friends. Taking a few minutes to update you on my little journey and what is new.

It is a little more then two weeks before my surgery and I am doing well. Today I had a craving for pizza. I did the calculations of the calories and satisfied the craving without falling off the wagon.

Momma and I also took a stroll through the plus size section at K-MART. This was an exercise for me to look at clothes and see what I like and what there is to look forward to as the weight comes off. I almost bought a sweater, but I know me. I would want to be able to wear it by Christmas and my focus would be on that. Not how I feel. And how I feel is a 1000% more important.

I am seven pounds away from achieving my presurgry goal of losing 50lbs. I know I can do it and I am feeling good about that. 50 pounds in three months before the surgery is a good start.

We have had a bit of a fincial snaffoo, but if I am smart I should be able to make it work.

We are having Thanksgiving at my house this year. Going to order the dinner from Meijer or Kroger and heat it up. Probably add a pie and sweet potatoes. I honestly just want the turkey leg and that is also a diet do, not a don’t.

Well I should probably get busy. Paperwork doesn’t do itself. Good night friends.

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Thanksgiving, Pink Cats & Sippy Cups

Hi there friends! It’s almost midnight and I am delighted to have a few minutes to visit with you.

All of the Halloween Decorations are down and put away until next year. Now we are decorating for Thanksgiving. I bought a light up window turkey and some cute window clings. Momma surprised me with a light up turkey, a cornocopia (sp?) and a pumpkin that says “Give Thanks”. And today we found a couple of things at the dollar store and I found a couple at Rite Aid. I love decorating for the holidays!

Tonight I ordered a long pink robe with cats on it with matching slippers. It has short sleeves and zips up the front. That way doctors and nurses can check whatever they need to, but my ass isn’t hanging out. The best part was I had a promo code for $20 off. So I got both pieces and shipping for $39. Definitely not a bad deal.

I bought myself a couple of sippy cups because I still chug my liquids. Also a couple 7inch plates and a baby spoon and fork. All to help teach me to talk smaller bites so I don’t make myself ill.

I think I have a pretty good handle on everything. 24 more days to go. I still struggle with portions but I am getting better.

Well I am going to say see ya later alligator and get busy doing some work. Take care!

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Popcorn and Eyeglasses

Oh my friends I am so happy to be visiting with you today! It is the first of November, twenty-eight days until surgery and forty pounds down. All that makes me extremely happy, but the struggle is still real.

Sunday I really wanted something crunchy so I decided to make some popcorn. I figured I would enjoy a bag because after the surgery it would be a long while if ever that popcorn and I could be friends again. I put it in the microwave and it smelled so good. I left it in a minute to long and burnt it. I should have taken that as a sign, but I wanted that popcorn so bad. I popped another bag, watching it closely and the minute is was ready pulled it out of the microwave. I sprinkled just a touch of cinnamon sugar on top and it smell like heaven in a bowl. Three handfuls in I decided that it was not what I wanted and tossed the whole thing in the trash. Not worth the calories and did nothing towards my protein intake. What did I have instead? Light & Fit Greek yogurt and two pieces of low-fat string cheese. Nothing crunchy there.

Lately when trying to read I find myself holding the reading material pretty far from my face trying to make the blurriness go away. Kind of tiring on the eyes and arms. So I decided it is time to get serious about eye care. I miss the old days when I got a little plastic card that had all the information about my vision insurance. It was so much easier than looking it all up and then calling around and finally getting all the information necessary to make a fucking appointment. But I waded through it all and I have an appointment tomorrow to get my pretty little peepers checked. I will have some down time after surgery so being able to read is a great way to have an adventure and pass the time.

Well time has slipped away from me and I have to get ready for work. Take care friends! Talk to you soon!

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