Early Morning Blessings

It’s a little before 7AM on Friday morning.  I was just up to pee and let Libby out to pee.  I debated staying up but since I seem to be permanently exhausted I decided to lay back down.

I crawled into my old bed.  The one with the hole in the mattress right where I lay and I smiled. Why?  My mattress.  Bought and paid for by me in 24 not so easy payments.  Lol

I stress a lot about money this time of year.  Pick up ALL  the available shifts and still struggle a bit, but we always make it through.  Laying here in MY bed, listening to my soulmate snore and having my puppy curled up next to me the struggle is worth it.

In the next room curled up with her very favorite furry friend is my very best friend.  Knowing she is here and not alone makes it all worth it.  Getting a morning kiss and a smile makes going to work easier.

I couldn’t imagine not having a family at home.  Without them what would my incentive be?  Each time Lilly jumps on the counter to be petted or Cali curls up on my tummy to watch TV I feel loved.

My eyes are getting heavy and puppy is making me warm and toasty.  So I think I will close now.  I can still sleep two more hours.  Goodnight Friends.


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8 Pounds and Scared

Hello again my friends.  Sorry for the delay the crazy hours are winding down and I am thankful for that.  I am not picking up any overtime hours until Saturday in hopes to give my body (which hates me right now) a much-needed break.  So I am being a bit of a hermit.  At work being constantly talked to, yelled at or doing the talking just wears a person out.  If I had a dollar every single time I heard my name my bills would all be paid.

Ok I am guessing you are wondering about the title of this post.  Well it is what I have come to understand is happening in my life right now.  I am a prime example of an emotional eater.  I eat when happy, sad, angry confused or because its Thursday.  I am a food soother.  I also know that I am out of control.

I have been avoiding stepping on the scale for several weeks and I have not been logging my meals as I should.  I KNEW the whole time I was fucking up, but I didn’t want to deal with it.  So yesterday I stepped on the scale and I have gained 8 pounds.  Now there was a time an 8 pound gain would have been nothing, but after surgery an 8 pound gain over a couple of months is a huge deal.

Ok so now I have the number and now I just have to figure out the why.  There is always at least one big why and probably several small ones.  The big one is the changing of the job is coming up fast and to be honest I am scared.  The what if’s are killing me.  What if I suck at the job?  What if I hate it?  What if I can’t get the overtime I need?  What if David’s surgery doesn’t go well and he needs care?  New jobs don’t give a flying fuck.  What if I am not the best anymore?

See I told you there was a lot going on in my head.  So as I laid resting which I have been doing a lot lately to catch up and my little mind went on swirling I thought of a couple of things.  There are two affirmations I plan to post where I can see them.  1) You are a strong, beautiful and intelligent woman. You deserve good things.  2) You are scared. Own it! Don’t eat it!   Just writing them out gave me a little boost and a smile.

And finally I told myself to stop worrying about the big picture.  Sign up for the test, get back on the program and go one day at time.  Worry about what the doctors say until they say it.  Worry about the two weeks notice closer to the two weeks and for crying out loud remember I am just one lady.  Not Wonder Woman.

Ok friends it’s time to go do this one day at a time stuff.  Have a great day and I will visit again soon.

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Beyond Busy

Hi my friends.  Sorry it’s been a while.  I am working a lot of strange hours.  It’s a hard time right now with my boss on vacation, one staff on maternity leave and a few other changes.   But here is a picture of one of the blessings that is coming from this mess


This is Amina (I don’t know if that is how her name is spelled) she is a little love.

Along with work I have been doing a little shopping.  Some stuff to make my bedroom more comfortable and a new winter coat.  I actually was going to buy the black one, but I accidentally ordered the cranberry.  Which I love!  A very happy accident!

I am counting down the days (64) until I switch jobs.  I may have to try several different places, but I am confident I will find a new work family.

Two more days until Halloween and it’s my first Halloween in a long time that I haven’t been home to celebrate with my family.  I am a tad disappointed.  This is my special holiday.  I am praying with the new career this will be the last one I miss for a while.

Well this is short and sweet, but it’s back to work for me.  Eight more days of double duty and then back to “normal”. Have a fantastic Sunday friends.

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Working Weekend

Goooood morning.  It’s a working weekend, but in my time as a working adult pretty much every weekend has been a working weekend.  This weekend just seems  different because I haven’t worked this week because I am in school.   I have been able to get caught up on some much needed rest.  My back and my knee are both thanking me.  I got to work at 2:30pm and work until 12am.  Then off until 6am where I start the fun all over again.

Classes are going pretty good.  I missed one on the exam, because I didn’t read the question right.  That really pissed me off because I was the one to yell out the right answer during exam prep.  So the next exam is on Monday and I will remind myself slow down, read the whole question and double-check my answers.

I still have a problem with flicking my fingers when washing my hands.  Which is a huge no no.  So my Momma said think of yourself as swan and brush the water off your feathers.  Sounds so silly, but it actually works.  I even told my instructor and classmates about it.  They looked at me like I am nuts, but I bet someone else remembers it that way too.

My instructor says I have the makings of a good CNA but I really do need to start working on having a censor.  Holding my tongue, not cussing will be my biggest challenges.

Well it’s time to go shower and get ready for work.  Have a great day my friends.  It’s supposed to be a hot one here in Michigan.

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First Day of School

Greetings friends today was the first day of school.  I am going for my CNA training.  It was a pretty good day.

Many of my fellow classmates are twenty something’s.  But most appear to be there to become a good care giver.

My  Mom was right about my pants they were still to long.  Walking up the steps I nearly pants myself from stepping on the bottoms.

Speaking of bottoms.  I am so glad I ordered the bigger bottoms.  I sat in class behind people who were wearing their actual size.  But when they sat down I either saw ass or underpants.

I was worried about my tattoo but when I walk in there are guys with full sleeves and ladies with neck tattoos.  Hell one girl actually came in wearing flip flops.

Tomorrow is another day of lecture and labs.  And my first test is Wednesday.

Trying to rock the white scrubs. 

White scrubs just aren’t my color.  Not to mention I already got lunch on them the first day.  But hey I still put on the earrings to class it up a bit.  Well it’s bedtime for me.  Goodnight friends.  Send me good vibes that school goes well and I tetain everything I need to.

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Kitty Robe

Good morning friends.  It is almost 7:30 am and I am sitting in front of one of the group homes I am responsible for.  I am in my Pink Kitty Robe and tennis shoes.  Why?  Well at 7:30 I am dispensing AM meds here and I just didn’t want to wake up at the butt crack of dawn to dress and shower to do it.

Today is a full day.  My nephew’s birthday party is this early afternoon.  Going to go see my mother in law at her house and maybe my brother in law who is in hospice.  Then home to clean Erin’s cage or as my mom calls him the dirty bird. LOL. And then I think some more going through papers.  I am going with a simpler system then I had.  I also think I am going to make dinner. Maybe.

Tonight I work the midnight.  After I come home and grab my stuff for my first day of class.  Which I am excited about.  When I was in my twenties and had classes I half assed it.  In my forties I give it all.  Because I deserve the best.

I don’t like change.  I don’t like putting myself out there.  I have been comfortable and safe (but poor) at my current job for a long time.  But safe isn’t expanding my horizons any.    It’s time to make the changes.  Even with the fear of failing in the background.  After all failure is growth too.  BUT hopefully this little adventure will be a big win!



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Can’t Say I Am Lazy

Because just the fact that I am working an 80 hour work week says I am not. Lol

Hi my beautiful friends!  It is 1:15am on the midnight shift and I would normally be doing paperwork, but my boss worked the afternoon shift so she did it instead.  That left me free to make up the shopping list for tomorrow, hunt coupons and visit with you.

So many wonderful things are happening my friends. Our niece sent us pics of our great niece Alison. The picture is at the top because my phone is misbehaving today.  😠

And a very Happy 50th Birthday to my brother Les.  We will be headed over to his house tomorrow to celebrate with him.

And I am happy to say despite all the hours I am working I did get to take a mini road trip with Momma today.  We went to get the fruit for canning.  Stopped by Big Boy for some brunch.  I have to show you the outfit she wore today.  I love this.  Beats the Navy and black she used to wear when I was a kid and she was working.  Now she colorful like her personality.

….. well my Fucking phone doesn’t like that either so I owe you a pic.

Well I should go do bed checks. After all I am at work. Lol Good Night Friends! 😴



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Busy Days

Hi there friends.  I am currently sitting at the weight loss center waiting to see the doctor.  I have seen the dietitian and exercise ologist.  I have lost eight pounds since my last visit which is just pathetic. But at least it’s a loss.

I have been working a ton of hours.  Trying to get caught up and pay for my CNA class.

Hmmm… let’s see.  On a bit of self Improvement kick.  Hair cut, colored, brows, nails and toes.                                      

Finally got Libby’s Puppy School picture done.  Yes I put my  girl in a dress, but doesn’t she look pretty?                                 

Well the doctor is about to come in so I am going to cut this short.  Take care friends.  I will be back to visit soon.

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Turning 45…

Yesterday was my 45 birthday and while it was not ideal it was still a good birthday.

I started feeling under the weather on Wednesday, Thursday a bit worse and by Friday my actual birthday I would have paid you to shoot me dead.  But my family was awesome.  They kept me fed, let me watch what I wanted on TV and when I needed to rest they let me do that too. Not a rocking birthday but not the worse way to spend it either.

Today was supposed to be puppy school and then an early birthday dinner with the family. Puppy School there was a mix up so no graduation day.  But she did get her certificate and she has her dress so we can do a nice picture

Birthday dinner ended up being just Les, Anne, David and I.  It was good food and good conversation.  Momma was feeling under the weather, but I totally understand that was me just the day before.

So now it’s Saturday Evening and I am curled back up in my bed for another nap.  45 is starting off a bit wobbly but that is ok.  It will get better everyday.


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Happy 50th Birthday My Special Friend.

Not only is today Father’s Day, but today would have been the 50th birthday of one of my most precious friends.  Many of you know her as my Wart because I am not supposed to talk about the people I care about to outsiders I wasn’t able to give you her name.

But I couldn’t help talking about her anyway.  In my profession people I care for come and go, but on occasion there are individuals that touch the soul and stay with you for eternity.

That was my Wart.  She was my light every single day.  People would say she way difficult and loud, but if you got to know her that was just to get your attention.  When she trusted you and really knew you she was so much more.

We spent many hours together her and I.  Singing in the shower in the morning while getting ready for the day.  Sitting up front with me in the van so she could point out her favorite cars and flowers.  At her home watching her favorite movies like Dirty Dancing, Annie and Pretty in Pink.

She would lay on one couch so she could see both the TV and me.  We would talk about Andie and Duckie.  Sing and Dance with Annie.  And she would just hang with me until bedtime.

The only thing I couldn’t do was tuck her in bed at night because she would refuse to go to sleep so the other staff would have to tuck her in.

One day she came home from workshop and gave me this bracelet.  I said she should keep it.  It was too beautiful to give away.  She said, “No I made it for you. Please help it.”. It didn’t actually fit on my wrist but I slid it on my hand.

I carried it with me every single day.  She would ask if I had it.  I would pull it out of my pocket and show her.  She was always so happy about it.

A year or so before she passed away my beautiful friend was moved to a different home.  I volunteered to pick up hours over there several times, but I was always told they didn’t need my help.  I only saw her at workshop.  I would be going to get another of my Little Darlings.  She would say, “Can I see you?”. I would say you are seeing me right now.  And she would say, ” Ok lets go home.”.  Every single time it broke my heart to tell her that she had to go home with her new staff.  But I would show her I still have my bracelet.

My Wart became ill and passed away.  A difficult time for her family, staff and me.  I thought about quitting my job several times.  I didn’t know if I could go through that with another friend.

Well I didn’t quit mostly because of my beautiful Wart, she wouldn’t want me too.  But to this day my bracelet is either in my purse or my pocket.  A constant reminder of the unconditional love from my remarkable friend. There will never be another like her.

Happy Birthday Lynne. Hope your dancing and singing in heaven today. Did you ever give Patrick Swayze that kiss for me?

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